Cracked CLAMP
by Oky Verlo
Summary: Pretty much a meme in written form. It's on fanfiction, so of course I own nothing. It's CLAMP, so I can only bow down in worship. I have rated it 'T' because I don't think I have crossed any lines, but if I have, let me know and I'll up it to 'M'. Read and review.


_Okay, on deviantart, I came across a CLAMP meme. Those of you, who have seen my DA page, would be familiar with my lack of drawing talent, so I pulled off a written version, which I am now posting on Fanfiction. I am cutting out a single question, because it is really something I have no idea to write; the original one I have on DA is exactly the same._

_All credit belongs to CLAMP and quivix on DA._

_Quivix is a bag and a half of fun. CLAMP is all the awesome._

_**Choose your eight favourite CLAMP characters.**_

_**1 **_Kurogane (Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle)

_**2**_ Ashura -the last of the clan- (RG Veda & Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle)

_**3**_ Kazahaya Kudo (Legal Drug/Lawful Drug/Gohou Drug/Drug and Drop)

_**4**_ Yasha (RG Veda & Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle)

_**5**_ Fuuma Monou (x/1999 & Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle)

_**6**_ Fai D. Fluorite (Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle)

_**7**_ Subaru Sumeragi (Tokyo Babylon, x/1999 & Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle)

_**8**_ Seishiro Sakurazuka (Tokyo Babylon, x/1999 & Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle)

_**Place 1 **_Kurogane_** and 8 **_Seishiro_** in mortal combat, because Hitsuzen says so. What is the outcome; who will survive?**_

It had been an odd day; a group of four had come into his veterinary practice with a small rabbit-like creature, asking if he could help it. Slipping easily in to his guise of 'harmless vet', Seishiro began looking over the creature, marvelling at the magic stored in its tiny form. Tempted greatly to try and keep it, for reasons varying from sakanagi to experimentation, Seishiro looked up at the group, stilling when he realised he was under great scrutiny; by the tall man in black especially.

Without thought, the Sakurazukamori spun a pentagram into the air, forcing all five out on to the street, before quickly fleeing; a great assassin he may be, but Seishiro was not one to take on a battle with an obvious disadvantage. Seishiro could sense the man in black following him closely.

The hunt was on.

It was not often that Seishiro was the Prey; he was quite accustomed to being the Predator. Being more familiar with how to chase then to run away, the Sakurazukamori was nearly cornered by the tall man several times; a sudden curtain of Cherry Blossoms covering his movements for just that second long enough for him to flee. A feeling deep within told him he would not escape a skirmish with the black-clad stranger unscathed. But Seishiro was on home turf, and soon had the stranger off his trail, lost in the maze that was Tokyo, while the assassin found respite in the form of a young onmyouji.

Kurogane returned to the group, angered he had let the man escape. Even on this world, the man called "Seishiro" was an obviously evil being.

_**Because it's Hitsuzen, 6**_ Fai_** caught 2**_ Ashura_** and 5**_ Fuuma_** making out.**_

Separated from Kuro-tan and the others, Fai wandered down the expansive halls, still unsure as to where he was, or if he could even be understood.

A sudden thump to his left caught the mage's attention, the sound originating from behind a closed door. Seeing as there had been no other signs of life, Fai swallowed his apprehension and silently pushed the heavy wood door open.

A lithe person with long black hair falling well past their rear was pressed into the wall; a tall man, with spikes not dissimilar to Kuro-myuu's, ravishing the others neck.

Surprised to be invading what was obviously a hot make-out session, the Celesian mage quickly closed the door, hot tailing it away before either of he two occupants realised what just happened.

If either had seen him, the scene would have been just that much kinkier.

_**Hitsuzen makes 4**_ Yasha_** switch clothes with 3**_ Kazahaya_**.**_

Yasha had no idea how he had gotten involved in this. Neither did Kazahaya. That woman -Yuko Ichihara she called herself- had appeared out of no-where and brought them to her shop. Both had initially refused, but the woman, despite being only slightly taller than the empath, and a great deal shorter than the Northern Lord, seemed bigger, imperious; as though she were the total authority on everything. It was almost as if she were dripping with an aura demanding to be obeyed or one would suffer the gravest consequences.

Apparently, this Yuko person granted wishes -for a price- and had received a request by some hick called _**quivix**_ to have the two men change clothes. And since she had already accepted payment, neither of the two men would be allowed to leave until the request was granted.

Taking a second look at the two, however, had the witch shaking her head, snapping two fingers to summon the two small girls that had welcomed the men into the shop. Both appeared instantly, both holding a bundle of clothing.

A much larger version of the turtleneck and jeans Kazahaya currently wore, and a far smaller version of the brown travellers robe that Yasha adorned.

_**How 6**_ Kurogane_** tells 6**_ Fai_** 'you're my most important person.'**_

It had been about thirteen days since they had left Sakura in the world of Clow as they continued travelling. It felt strangely empty without the princess and her never-ending smiles and kind words. Syaoran was a mess; despite how he tried to seem normal and composed, one didn't need Mokona's abilities to see the heart to see the boy was breaking. But it was the type of breaking one had to overcome on their own.

Fai had been there.

But, as Fai cast a furtive glance to the final member of their small team, he had a stubborn pillar of support next to him when he fell. Of course they would all be there for the boy should he begin to falter when his strength began to wane, but it just wasn't the same as having that 'special someone' by your side. Fai doubted Kuro-hunk would ever feel the same but-

"Would you quit starin' at me mage? You know what I look like by now, don't you?"

Embarrassed to have been caught staring, the Celesian wizard averted his gaze, blushing brightly.

It was pathetic wasn't it? To be pining away, like a love-sick puppy, over a man who would never think of him in the same way. Kuro-charming was far too straight-laced to be interested in other men, and even if he was, he had stated numerous times that he hated people like Fai the most. A sigh escaped the wizard's lips.

It was a pipe dream at best.

A heavy hand clapped down on his shoulder, startling Fai out of his reverie. Fai looked up as Kurogane crossed the room glancing back and speaking before leaving through the open door.

"You know you're the most important person to me ... don't you Fai?"

_**Something that happens everyday in Tokyo ... 8 **_Seishiro_** betrays 5**_ Fuuma_**.**_

The man was supposedly the 'Kamui of the Seven Dragons', the man he was to support; but rage filled Seishiro with every mention, every thought, every look at the man once called 'Fuuma'.

"You have touched what is marked as mine."

The marring, in any form, of Subaru was something that **only** Seishiro was allowed to even contemplate. That this man had dared touch Subaru in battle, let alone taking the young onmyouji's sight, was unforgivable.

"I merely fulfilled a wish of his; the only wish I could grant him. His true wish is something relating solely to you, so I cannot interfere. But enough of that; the points won't destroy themselves."

The Sakurazukamori snarled in disgust. Even from the beginning; the destruction of the Earth had interested him little. He had only become involved because Subaru had. A stream of magic was thrown at Fuuma, before the killer faded away in a blanket of Cherry Blossoms. A cold smile danced across Fuuma's lips.

"So now you betray me?"

_**Now for a confession! 7 **_Subaru _**speaks a truncated sentence to 3**_ Kazahaya_**.**_

They had met several times in the past, both belonging to incredibly old families. Kazahaya was about six when they met for the last time in the luxurious estates. Subaru had always liked the boy, the child reminding him so much of himself as a child. That Kazahaya had a twin sister strengthened this image.

That, and the fact that Kazahaya was born with great power.

Post-cognition was one thing; Subaru had himself come across a number who held that power, but the empathy that lived in the six year old' heart would be both blessing and curse. Kazahaya would feel so much more than anyone should.

And it would destroy him if he were betrayed as Subaru had been.

On their last meeting, Subaru decided to caution the child; the boy would make his own decisions, but a warning would have him watch his steps.

"Kazahaya, because of your powers, so much will become known to you, even if you do not wish to know. But, when you fin d someone you care for, you must-"

"BROTHER!"

Subaru was n ever able to finish his warning; little Kei would never allow someone to hold her brother's attention more than herself. Not that it would matter in the end. It was Hitsuzen that Subaru was unable to give this manner of protection, just as it was Hitsuzen's work that the two would never again cross paths.

_**Fan-service time. Well, maybe not. 4**_ Yasha_** doing something very dirty to 2**_ Ashura_**.**_

It had been seven hundred years since Ashura had willingly entered slumber. Seven hundred years the man heralded as a demon waited at the side of his beloved; a watchdog protecting a valuable treasure. When Ashura had awakened, sadness and loneliness coursed through the now grown body, Ashura becoming consumed by the guilt of sins committed seven centuries previous.

But Yasha needed Ashura to be by his side, to keep living.

Yasha had needed Ashura to be with him from the moment the infant had been retrieved from the forest of darkness. Ashura was no longer an infant, however. A lithe and supple body had replaced the small physique of a child, the strength of an extinct race now more than obvious to all. Strength that Yasha felt himself burning to taste.

He wasn't alone in this craving; Ashura desired Yasha just as much; watching, wanting, needing.

It started as small things; a few brief, chaste kisses, a lingering embrace or two. But as all things of this nature, these small indulgences, these mere actions fuelled the mutual need of the pair, causing their embraces to last longer, their kisses to become not-so-innocent, their want to turn in to **need**, until both became desperate.

It was Yasha who started the heated moment, grasping desperately onto Ashura's clothes, deepening the kiss as much as possible, before breaking the lip-lock, instead fixing his mouth on to his companions neck. Ashura, despite now being more than one thousand years old, was still new to the concept of intimate physical contact, writhing in the pleasure Yasha bestowed, letting unabashed moans spill from bruised lips.

Yasha lowered his lips further, catching a delicate collarbone, sucking lightly so as not to leave a mark on the pale expanse of skin. His hands had begun roaming; exploring the unknown planes of Ashura's elegant body, mapping out the skin hidden beneath white silk. Seemingly acting of their own accord, Ashura's hands roved over Yasha's body as well; the hardened muscles quivering with every feather touch, the scarred skin revered with every pass.

It was not enough, no; Ashura had yet to get close enough to the Northern Lord; the etch the man's touch in to his heart and mind. Ashura's shirt had, at some point, been lifted, revealing a marble expanse that Yasha had instantly allowed himself to worship, red marks blooming under his adoration. Ashura grabbed Yasha's face, pulling him up, away from the marked skin, into another heated kiss. As they broke apart, an utterly masculine smirk crossed Yasha's lips; the unscarred eye bright with unknown thoughts.

"We have only just begun, my Ashura."

_**Whoa. All this and still no eyes removed? That's not right, so 1**_ Kurogane _**willingly or unwillingly giving an eye to 5**_ Fuuma_._

He had met another version of this man, a version that was far kinder and more honestly jovial. Yet both versions served to aggravate Kurogane to no end. While the Fuuma in Acid Tokyo had been a know-it-all, self-serving asshole under contract to travel the many worlds, stalking a vampire that clearly wanted him gone, the Fuuma in front of him now was merely a know-it-all, self-serving asshole, that had the ability to read peoples hearts.

"Look, I grant people's wishes, nothing more. And this is definitely a wish resting in your heart."

Yeah, like Kurogane didn't get that enough from the damn witch.

Truthfully, it wasn't like Kurogane hid anything about himself unless it was unimportant, but the fact that someone was reading him like that, left him uncomfortable. Briefly, a thought about how he had always been able to read the mage entered his head, but he squashed that though; he could deal with it later.

Fuuma made another swipe at Kurogane, the extravagant sword in hand aiming for the ninja's face. Not that Fuuma had a chance of actually landing a hit, however, with clumsy, inexperienced swordplay such as that.

Honestly, Kurogane had momentarily wished that it had been he to lose his sight instead of Fai, but that wish was long gone and he had no regrets over it; the wizard would punch him if he even considered that sort of thing now.

It was another reason not to let the little upstart in front of him scoop out his eye and hand it to the mage.

_Review? Like it or loath it, I would love a review._

_Toodles and Love_

_Oky Verlo._


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